You Found Me
by nothingspecific
Summary: Imagine, a bump in the road for the perfect couple of Panem. Eighteen months later, she returns, but can things be fixed? And will the Boy with the Bread and the Girl on Fire reignite their flame? Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello! So exams are over and I have a whole lot of free time on my hands. Therefore, I wanted to write a Hunger Games fanfiction! There's going to be a whole lot of chapters and hopefully you will all give me your opinions and *fingers crossed* enjoy reading it! It's a warped version of the actual Hunger Games book by Suzanne Collins, but there aren't any new characters so just to disclaim, I don't own any of the characters or the actual Hunger Games {I wish!} I suppose you could definitely say that this first chapter is ambiguous and so it might cause a bit of confusion, but in the next chapters things will become a wholeee lot clearer!_

_So Enjoy :) _

* * *

With their hands intertwined they leisurely approached the lit bakery, his bakery, the bakery that harboured all of their loved ones, their friends and family unbeknownst to the news that they would deliver. It had been three years since Peeta's life had changed, since he metamorphosed into a man, it had also been a year and a half since his whole universe had toppled down on him, leaving him a mere echo of what he used to be. But this was change, he didn't know if it was for the better but he sure as hell knew that it was just another step away from the Games, from the ghost of the Capital, from _her_. The marketplace in District 12 was his home, and yet the memory of the vacancy and despondency of the obliteration was long gone and had been replaced with a thriving town where the fear of the reaping was no more.

They walked slowly for Peeta's sake, his metal Capitol contraption leg and the cobblestoned pavement didn't seem to go hand in hand, but yet she was patient and merely kept her eyes on the bakery. It had been a whirlwind for her, to have someone, to love someone but they had come so far. Peeta's nightmares had become less severe and happened once in a blue moon, and after time he no longer drifted into past memories that seemed to a "taboo" in their relationship. She looked up at Peeta Mellark, who's deep blue eyes focused on the irregular pattern of the cobblestones, his blonde hair still had its regular wave to it where it would curl slightly at the bottom it wasn't as short as it used to be and he regularly moulded it and shaped it with his hands when he was thinking or perplexed. He was handsome and he was hers. He caught her eye and the corner of his mouth tugged up slightly showing no teeth but a small dimple on his cheek.

"Are you ready?" He said feeling suddenly self-conscious due to her calculating gaze, she smiled the same smile, one that was so exuberant and confident that it almost seemed to surprise Peeta every time. They could hear the muffle of conversations within the building, and Peeta suddenly found himself becoming very nervous. He smoothed down the suit jacket, feeling the painful reminiscence of the last time he had worn a suit.

"You look dashing sweetheart , it's a very nice suit."

The poignancy of her endearing term, she would never know but that single world "sweetheart" propelled Peeta's brain into linking the cherished memories that he had attempted to bury, the drunk yet slightly creepy expression that his mentor had said so many times, the way _they _had mimicked him and used it as one of their many "inside" jokes. But that was the significance of that word, whatever happy memory Peeta could connect it to it would still lead to the same result, the utter misery that would creep back upon him and shove a blade into his stomach. Metaphorical of course, but it still made Peeta's knuckles clench at the pulsating in his stomach. It was almost as if it was another life, a story that someone would tell that he was unable to relate to purely because alike the Games, he didn't know what was real and wasn't.

Peeta was instantly aware of the silence, that he hadn't given her a response and that he was trying to show her that he was doing fine and was living in the presence. But living in the presence was seemingly impossible when your entire being and self was trapped in the memories of the past. As if upon reflex, he quickly ducked down to her short height and pressed his lips against her cheek,

"You look very pretty as well."

And she did, she was wearing a very girly pink dress with a matching flower tucked in her blonde locks, she was very pretty and it wasn't as if Peeta wasn't conscious of the effort she made, he knew that his brothers and half of the town were jealous of how he had gotten one of the prettiest girls in the district. Peeta sighed at the thought and squeezed her hand gently, he was just about to open the double doors when she stopped in him in his tracks.

"Peeta, are you still sticking by what you said? About tonight? I mean we have been together for so long, and it would be nice to finally…"

Her forwardness showed her desperation for the physical aspect of their relationship, and her blunt tone brought a light blush on Peeta's cheeks. He knew that he had denied her for so long of what she wanted, and they had passed several boundaries yet much to her disappointment, Peeta was always the one who stopped it from going any further. There just wasn't the desire to do that with her, he had tried to explain it to her that it was difficult for him, but she had always thought this difficulty stemmed from his embarrassment with his leg. That wasn't the case, and deep down Peeta hoped that one day her naivety would crack and she would realise the true reason.

"I made a promise, I won't break it."

He couldn't believe the words had erupted from his mouth, as soon as they had escaped he wanted to rewind time and take them back. Peeta didn't want to follow through with it, but he also didn't want to disappoint her. Therefore, he felt as if he had no choice, to sacrifice his morals and his promises to another girl was unthinkable, but at the stake of her happiness? He had disappointed her enough, and enough time had passed that he knew the past promise he had made was irrelevant in the terms that it would never happen.

She grinned up at him, a toothy fearless smile, and Peeta found himself dreading the night, knowing that the conscience in his brain would prevent him from fulfilling his promise and effectively the girl. He managed a half smile back at her, whilst his brain continued to whirr in conflict of what he was going to do. They both walked in to the bakery, hand in hand to meet the cheers of their family and friends.

Peeta Mellark and Delly Cartwright, the "happiest" couple in the District.

* * *

_So there is alot that hasn't even been touched on yet, but don't worry I'll get there :)  
Please don't forget to _**review **_and _**subscribe**_! _

_Thankyou :) x_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello guys! I'm going to attempt to update this as frequently as possible due to the amount of time on my hands, so don't worry about long annoying intervals! Instead of jumping straight into a chapter of why Katniss left Peeta, I wanted to first address the other ambiguous question in the first chapter!  
So here goes! NB: I've made up two character names in this chapter who might reoccur simply because I like the idea of them meddling and being a bit crass and suggestive!  
Thanks! And Enjoy reading :) _

* * *

They had circulated the bakery four times, Peeta was keeping count due to their family and friends approaching and asking the same repetitive questions, the implication of "starting a family" had cropped up seventeen times in individual conversations and was met with a hopeful look from Delly. The bakery looked unworldly, Peeta would never have dreamt that this was the same place which was normally littered with bags of flour and dirty baking trays. His brothers had done an unexpectedly great job, there were fairy lights draped on the tall beams, the beams that he had constructed, there was the local band playing and a large table full with all different types of food that reminded Peeta of the banquets in the Capitol when he still had _her._ He was tempted to delve into that memory, when Delly's Mother rushed over to the pair, and Peeta knew that he had to at least pretend to pay attention to the babbling conversation between Mother and Daughter.

Unlike himself, Delly had really taken to the attention of the whole townsfolk, she was practically beaming at everybody and everything, and every time Peeta had hinted at sitting down and having a drink she would obstinately refuse and find someone else to go into long and lengthy discussions with. It surprised Peeta that he was acting in such an anti-social manner, but he couldn't help but feel the wave of paranoia hit him, as if it was a show yet again and this announcement that he would have to make tonight was intended to be a performance where everyone would clap and cheer, instead of it being an experience for the two of them. At the thought of merely being a source of entertainment _again_, Peeta mumbled incoherently to Delly and her Mother that he was going outside and in a daze led himself to the doors.

As soon as he felt the warm summer air on his face, Peeta sucked in a huge breath and slowly let it out. He was freaking out, but it was expectant of him to have this kind of reaction at something so huge and life-changing that would encompass his whole life. He quickly loosened the black tie that had a morbid quality to it, and pressed his wall against the brick wall of the bakery.

"Peeta?"

Delly's familiar voice made him jump and he couldn't help but feel a little frustrated that he wasn't able to have a minute alone. She shivered and instinctively Peeta shrugged himself out of his tuxedo jacket and put it around her shoulders.

"Peeta, what are you doing out here? Are you okay?"

It was the same tone a Mother would use to her naughty son, and Peeta again couldn't help but to feel a little suffocated by the constant attention. He pulled his fingers through his hair, making it even messier and causing Delly to sigh and smooth down his blonde locks.

"Would you stop?" Peeta said sharply, flinching away from her small nurturing hand "Delly, please just stop. I'm not a boy anymore just… stop." Peeta sighed exhausted by it all, exhausted by the internal struggle that seemingly hadn't resolved within him, and exhausted by the constant fear of the reoccurring idea that this relationship was based on a façade. Delly bit her lower lip and looked down to the ground, Peeta stood to his full height and held her hand attempting to make up for his rude tone.

"Look Delly, before I go in there and announce it, I have to know, and I mean I _have _to, that this isn't about your Mother or my brothers or the expectations of other people."

Delly had refused herself to believe that Peeta was still insecure about the girl from the Seam and what she had done, she had turned an eye to when he had shut himself away for hours after he saw one of her advertisements on the watch-box, and she had ignored the time she found him in the woods wandering around but as if he had a purpose to find something. Yet this was a display of his insecurity that she couldn't ignore, but instead of getting angry that the ghost of "The Girl on Fire" was still present in their relationship after eighteen months she found herself pitying him, because whatever he said, to her Peeta was still the little boy who she had grown up with.

"Peeta" She said fondly, lightly touching her fingertips to his cheek, "Peeta, this is about you and me I promise." She felt his tenseness underneath the pads of her fingertips, but that wasn't anything unusual for Peeta had never once been in a totally relaxed state, but she had just accepted that it was him. She attempted to gain eye contact with him, which seemed increasingly difficult as his eyes were glazed over in his dream-like state.

"Peeta, I have to know that it is just you and me in this, that there is no-one else, that Kat-"

His head shot up immediately stilling the name on the tip of her tongue, her eyes were apologetic but she still continued on.

"Just as you don't want another relationship turning out to be built on nothingness, I don't want to be the third party in this. Please promise me, Peeta I need you to promise me."

The desperation was evident in her voice, yet she had unknowingly wounded Peeta with her words, it had never been said by anyone else, he had never been told what _their _relationship was by someone else and the reality of it hit him, and it hit him hard. Peeta was sick to death of making promises, and felt a surge of frustration that to that he was always the one making the promises, and yet he folded again, not wanting to disappoint Delly but also not wanting to be left with nothing, once again.

"I promise."

Peeta was aware that this promise was going to be difficult to keep, but his mind had concealed his secret desires and memories from Delly that he knew he would also be able to masochistically indulge in escaping from reality and revisiting the train journeys, the interviews, and the moments in his old cottage. Satisfied, Delly interlinked their fingers and smiled up at him evidently feeling reassured by Peeta's two words.

"So, can you tell everyone yet? I think my Mother is going to die of happiness, and I know for a fact that it'll just make the entire night absolutely fantastic!"

Peeta rolled his eyes at her typical behaviour, how she went from one extreme emotion to another, but he nodded and with a squeal she went on tiptoes and kissed the bottom of his jawline, and rushed back inside, leaving Peeta alone again. As he stared up at the crescent moon, he found himself praying to a supernatural force that he didn't believe in, that this wasn't a mistake he was about to make. Another gust of warm wind ruffled his shirt as if a reminder to make himself look impeccable, he quickly tightened the black long tie and subconsciously smoothed down his hair.

It was time.

The low buzzing of the sound of conversations and laughter filled the bakery, and Peeta felt himself become increasingly nervous as he stood at one end unsure of how to demand the attention of each individual. It wasn't as if Peeta got stage fright; in the Games, millions had hung onto every word he said, and every personal feeling was worn on his sleeve for the whole of Panem to know. And yet this felt entirely different. Peeta quickly gave the signal to the eldest of his two brothers, Ryen, to quickly gain the attention of the townsfolk.

"OI!"

Despite Peeta's embarrassment at Ryen's rude outburst, he had to give it to him it definitely did the job, as Peeta was suddenly met with over a hundred pairs of eyes all on his. As his eyes quickly scanned across the room, he found himself attempting to find a pair of almond shaped grey eyes, yet instead Delly bounded up to him and put her arm around his waist. There was a long expectant pause where Peeta was aware that he was supposed to be speaking, delivering the news, and yet his eyes were still frantically searching the room like they always did when there was a large group of people, as if it was the Reaping again and fate had given him another chance. Delly elbowed him subtly in his ribs, and as if by reflex Peeta began delivering his lines, like he had practiced, and that was when he realised that even though Delly had promised, this night was no different to any other time where all the cameras were centred on his face as he professed his love for _her. _It was what he was accustomed to, and somehow it had drawn a parallel with what some would consider to be a "normal" relationship. And yet, even after this realisation Peeta didn't stop, he didn't realise that this eye-opening moment was a sign, and so he continued.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry for interrupting your evening. It's been lovely to see you all here, but as most of you expressed your wonder, there is a reason for Delly and I inviting you here to my bakery tonight. And therefore I'd like to announce something, a week ago I asked Delly, a girl I've known for years, to marry me, and she said yes."

The rest of his speech was instantly cut off by shouts of joy, the deafening sound of applause and of course by Peeta's two brothers Ryen and Grainham who threw their arms around their younger brother and made obscene comments in his ear. After the two elder Mellark boys calmed down and were pulled away by their own wives, Peeta was suddenly aware of the swarming group about to suffocate himself and Delly with their congratulations and their hugs and kisses, when suddenly a voice from the crowd shouted;

"KISS!"

Immediately, this spurred others on to join until their friends and families had transformed into a choir orchestrating a display of affection and love. Delly squeezed his arm slightly, and Peeta was immediately taken back to the moments where cameras were pointed into his face, when audiences were cheering and encouraging kisses and adorable moments and how those moments only really every happened when everyone was watching them, except one rare, utterly special moment.

Peeta couldn't bear to think about that moment, the moment that had bought so much happiness but had ruined everything in one beautiful night. And so, through impulsivity in order to stop himself from revisiting the happiness and worst night of his existence, he crashed his lips onto Delly's, the force of the action would've probably been seen as passion, as desire, as _love._ But as Peeta combed his fingers through Delly's hair, he was merely attempting to obliterate the memory of her Seam grey eyes underneath him, fluttering in anticipation. It was Delly who pulled back, surprised at Peeta's forcefulness something she had never experienced before, and something which gave her a lot of hope for the rest of the night. The friends and families beamed at them and there was a scattered applause, some who viewed the kiss as endearing and sweet and others who knew Peeta on a more personal level and simply feared that he would get his heart broken again.

As Peeta pulled slowly away from Delly's face, who was now grinning smugly at her younger sister and her Mother, he turned to look at the family and friends whose attention had suddenly been averted. Out of curiosity, Peeta used his height and slightly stretched his neck to see what everyone was staring at, when he saw _them_ it was as if Pandora's box had opened, Peeta would have rather had Cato's knife drive into his body repeatedly than see _them_. The pair of grey Seam eyes, the almond shaped orbs that coyly looked to the ground at everyone realising that it was her, their Victor, the girl who had run away, the girl on fire, the girl who used to be Peeta's.

Katniss Everdeen was back in District 12.

* * *

_So there we go, don't worry the next chapter is dedicated to filling you in on exactly what happened, and I've already started to write it!  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I would appreciate it if you could let me know what you think by _**reviewing **_and also please feel free to _**suscribe!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello! It's certainly been a while, however as you can clearly see this chapter is **a lo t**__longer than the previous two, there was just so much to fit in and I wanted to do it in one whole chapter. This is the chapter that lets you know what has happened to Peeta and Katniss to cause him so much pain. There's a bit of romantic, lovey-dovey, maybe a little smutty areas in this chapter but it is M rated!  
Also, I got a review from someone pointing out that it was a KatnissxPeeta story and not a DellyxPeeta one! Well, I've incorporated Delly into the story for a reason so please be patient with that and also I promise that it will definitely get to the Katniss and Peeta bit, which this chapter seems to show!  
Anyway I hope you all enjoy it :) x_

* * *

Peeta shut the door to the back room of the Bakery, the room where he would normally do the calculations and the financial dreary aspect of running a business, and began to pace erratically with hope that the motion of his body would somehow silence the questions and memories that were about to emerge. Delly had been so focused on the general chatter with her Mother and sisters that she failed to notice Katniss' unannounced entrance, which meant that Peeta was safe from her linking Katniss' arrival to his departure.

Peeta frantically pulled off his tie and tossed it on one of the benches, and began to unbutton the collar of his shirt as if to free him from all thoughts about her. He had barely had time to properly look at her, for as soon as he saw her pebble coloured irises he knew that he was a goner, which ironically was alike the first time he saw her on the first day of school. Peeta groaned in frustration, and as if he was a boy again, he put his hands on his head and screwed his eyes shut, it was an act of pure desperation to try and protect his heart.

Yet as soon as his eyes were closed, Peeta was unarmoured and defenceless against the vivid memories permeating his very being, and as Peeta began to weaken against the inner turmoil he simply lifted his head to the ceiling and with a half sob said one word, one name, that would open up the flood gates and essentially bring him pain.

"Katniss."

* * *

"_Katniss?" _

_Peeta shouted in an almost sing-song voice as soon as he entered his cottage, it sounded stupid that Peeta would automatically call for her even though she did have her own house in the Victors Village, but she had described it as "cold" and "a reminder of the Games" with all its flamboyance and endless supply of cans of her favourite lamb stew, and therefore spent all of her time hunting near Peeta's home, eating dinner with Peeta and innocently falling asleep by Peeta's side. Peeta had accepted that after the fall of the Capitol and President Snow that their relationship wouldn't revert back to kisses for publicity or proclamations of love for Panem, but would merely return back to the building of their friendship and trying to recover with the help of another. Even though Peeta would secretly prefer to kiss her and touch her, he knew that there were boundaries and if he wanted to continue enjoying Katniss' presence and talking to her and laughing with her, he would have to control himself. _

_Peeta walked in and out of the rooms, and was still unable to wipe the huge grin off from his face, it had been a good day, a day that showed promise for the future and also showed that he was finally moving on from the Games and the horrific memories of the Capitol and President Snow. _

"_Hey" _

_It still surprised Peeta how Katniss Everdeen could look so effortlessly beautiful unlike other girls Peeta knew of who relied heavily on Capitol cosmetics and were desperate for surgical enhancements. Her hair was the same rich mahogany colour and had been hastily weaved into her signature plait, the thing that startled Peeta the most was her obliviousness to the fact that that she was seen as an object of beauty and that the majority of Panem wanted to be her. _

"_You're looking… happy" _

_She smiled slightly, and Peeta was snapped out of his reverie at admiring the Girl on Fire. He followed her into the kitchen area where she sat down on a chair and bought her knee's to her chest in an almost crouching protective position. She looked vulnerable and small, and Peeta wanted to wrap her arms around her and kiss her till the continuous memories and sadness went, clenching his fist in a desperate reminder to not reach out for her, he sat opposite her. _

"_And, you're wearing my shirt?"_

_His attention had been so focused on her effervescent beauty that Peeta hadn't noticed that all she was wearing was one of his white button down shirts that he had only wore on the Victors Tour and for press conferences, and a long pair of knee-high socks. Peeta gulped, his eyes lingering on her long lean legs and how she hadn't buttoned it up, which sufficiently left the opportunity for him to glimpse at the small scattering of freckles that rested on her chest. He was immediately aware that he had been staring in absolute awe of her for a while, and abruptly his eyes latched onto hers, she smiled at him and got up to pour herself a glass of water._

"_Sorry, it just seemed convenient at the time. So are you going to tell me why you're practically beaming?" _

_Her back was to him, and as Katniss reached to the top cupboard for a glass, the white linen shirt lifted up and exposed the top of her creamy thighs. In a chivalrous manner, Peeta immediately looked away, knowing that if he looked he wouldn't be able to stop and then his body would betray him and make his desire known. He attempted to focus on something different so that he could keep a clear train of thought whilst he delivered the good news. _

"_Well, call me impulsive, but I went out to the market today and they've begun to restore the land where my Father's bakery stood on. I don't know, it just felt like a sign that I had to buy it and make him proud it would take my mind off of everything, and I'd be doing something I love. So, I bought it and I've got my brothers to help me with the building of it…"_

_Katniss' body immediately tensed, her mind was running through what Peeta was saying and as she slowly poured the water into the glass, she knew that she was going to be unable to hide her feelings and would ultimately have to express the deeply rooted feelings that she had attempted to hide from him. _

"_Well aren't you pleased?" She turned to meet his beaming face, the little dimples appearing on his cheeks made it even harder for her to tell him how _she _was feeling, but it had to be done. Katniss didn't want to lie to him anymore, and maybe if she revealed her true feelings then he would agree. _

"_Well __It's just… this bakery will just root us into the District, and make this a permanent thing." _

_Peeta's brow furrowed, confusion was setting in and he was disappointed that she hadn't reacted in a way that he had expected. Then again, Katniss was the type of the girl that wasn't predictable, and in a way it made life with her more exciting. Katniss sat opposite against him, calculating his facial expression and nervously took a sip of the tepid water. _

"_I'm confused, what do you see as temporary?" _

_Katniss sighed, not in exasperation but in a way that would give her time to think about how she was going to say what she felt in a way that wouldn't hurt Peeta. _

"_Us…" Peeta's breath caught in the back of his throat "...Living here in the district, I mean I thought it was going to be something that was more fleeting. Peeta, I never intended to build my life back here again, I intended to build myself back up and then go elsewhere." _

_Peeta's mouth opened slightly and then he immediately closed it, there was a long silence where he was attempting to fully take in this important revelation. _

"_So, where would you go? I mean, am I included in this idea, or did you intend to leave me here?" He paused and looked down, unable to fathom the idea of being without Katniss. "Katniss you're going to have to explain this to me better." _

_She immediately felt guilty, knowing that she wasn't explaining it properly, if the roles were reversed Peeta would've been able to give a cohesive reason and justify it however Katniss had never been good at being honest with her true feelings. His head was lowered, and he was concentrating on his feet, immediately Katniss couldn't bear to see him in such a vulnerable way and got up out of her seat and knelt beside Peeta, attempting to regain his eye contact._

"_Peeta, look at me." _

_As soon as his blue eyes met hers, she could see the confusion and doubt in his eyes, it was the same look after their victory in the Games, when he had realised that it had all been a plan between herself and Haymitch, a plan to keep them both alive. Katniss gingerly touched the pads of her fingers to his cheekbone, and hated herself for ruining his happiness. Slowly, she rose to her feet and uncrossed his legs so that she could perch on the tops of his thighs, she couldn't explain the reason for this action but she knew that she wanted to be close to him, she missed their affectionate ways for the cameras and even know she had the full knowledge that it was based on artifice, it was still nice to be close to him and feel him next to her. _

_Peeta was surprised at her boldness, and naturally wound his arms around her small waist, giving her the permission to sit nearer to him, or on him, it was a gesture that seemed to keep his anxieties at bay but the anticipation of what she was about to say was killing him. As she moved slightly more onto his lap, he felt a stirring within his trousers and immediately became aware of the fact that she was only wearing a white shirt and that her face was very close to his. _

"_Of course you're included in this, I couldn't imagine going anywhere without you. It's just you're now moving on, and that's what I wanted for us both but this District harbours too many horrible memories and every time I go into the Square I can see everyone's sympathetic looks, this District is a graveyard Peeta. That's why I've always thought that we would go somewhere else, and get away from it all." _

_Her eyes were beginning to glisten with moisture, and Peeta couldn't bear to see her cry. He instinctively began to make small circular patterns with his thumb on the small of her back. _

"_Katniss, where would we go? This is home, no matter what, District 12 is our home." _

_Katniss groaned and put her head into Peeta's chest, as if it would prevent the inevitable tears from falling. Peeta's fingers began to stroke her hair as if attempting to reassure her from all of her concerns that she was having, but Katniss knew that they weren't going to go away._

"_You don't understand" She said, playing with the hem of his grey t-shirt "Being here reminds me of her, of Prim, I can't be here forever it's killing me." _

_Katniss broke down in tears, she was clutching and holding onto Peeta channelling all of her pain and frustration into the fabric of his t-shirt. Peeta didn't know what to say, how to respond, he knew how much Katniss was hurting over the death of her little sister, a pain which was incomprehensible and didn't have an appeasing answer or response that would suffice to the loss of a sibling. Instead, he kissed the top of her head and made the same circular motions with his thumb on her forearm. _

"_Peeta…" _

_Katniss looked up through the tears, she suddenly realised how close their faces were and found herself being submerged in the blue depths of his eyes. She was radiating heat, Katniss was probably aware that she was blushing but, unlike Peeta, was unaware of the fact that the white shirt she was wearing had considerably risen up to expose the tops of her thighs. She swallowed and felt like she was drowning in the intensity of the moment, cautiously Peeta wiped away a tear that was still present on her cheek. _

_With a wild gasp Katniss propelled her lips onto Peeta, she would later tell herself that she was simply venting all of her angst into the kiss and it was merely a reaction, but in the moment Katniss could feel the tangible, real passion that coursed through her very veins and awakened the sleeping feelings that she had buried after Peeta's hijacking. _

_At first, Peeta didn't know how to respond, his mind was telling him to pull away and continue their important conversation that was crucial in the terms of their future, but his heart and body was urging him forward, urging him to reciprocate her kiss, urging him to relish in the softness of her full delicious lips. And so he did just that, his fingers combed in her hair as he responded as any man in love would, with vigour. Their lips were dancing to a beat of their own, the kiss wasn't like any of their previous kisses which were calculated and were intended for effect, it was the kiss of two mouths being free to do whatever they pleased. Peeta's tongue trailed along her lower lip, causing her to suck in a huge gulp of air through pure desire, and Katniss found that Peeta would give a low moan if she slowly nibbled his lower lip. The aftermath of the fall of Snow and the Capitol had transformed them and they were helping each other to find themselves through their love. Peeta boldly repositioned Katniss, so instead of sitting demurely on his lap, she was straddling him in the chair. The Girl on Fire was burning with lust, and daringly began to drag her hips across his laps in synchronisation with their ragged breathing. She was met with the newly discovered sound that she was becoming fixated with, his groan._

"_Katniss" His breath was ragged, and he slowly tucked her hair behind her ear. She was beautiful, her skin was glowing tinged with the soft pink blush that he hadn't seen in a while and her eyes were bright with anticipation of what was to come. It was the first time in months that Peeta had seen her look so alive, there was no sadness behind her grey eyes or the tell-tale sign of her red eyes from profuse crying. _

_With that realisation, Peeta leaned in and slowly caught her lower lip with his, it was a definite change in pace and the sensual kiss seemed to please Katniss as she gave a soft whimper. Peeta guided her legs to wrap around his waist, and as he stood up he began to pay close attention to the tender skin underneath the lobe of her ear and the base of her neck. _

_Katniss could feel something rising up inside of her, loving that he was taking the lead and loving how she could savour the kiss, and memorise the sensation of his lips on hers. Her eyes were shut and she felt like they were gliding, Katniss moaned when she felt the peak of his tongue touch hers and slowly their tongues began to move together causing gooseflesh to appear on her arms and ripples of pleasure to shoot down her spine. _

_Katniss was suddenly aware that she was being lowered onto the bed, instinctively she opened her eyes to find Peeta's blue eyes gazing at her with such intensity she felt as if she was going to melt. When she finally felt the plush mattress comfort her, she found herself arching her back so that she could kiss him, touch him, implore him to send her into bliss. Agonisingly slow, Peeta hovered over her not knowing that he was teasing her in an unbearable fashion. Unable to bear it any longer, Katniss grabbed the back of his neck and successfully crashed his mouth on hers. The pace quickened. Her hands desperately pulled and grappled with the fabric of his t-shirt, after a few attempts it fell on the floor. _

_Katniss marvelled at Peeta's toned stomach, the muscles weren't intimidating but they were present and as he moved they would cause a beautiful ripple under his flawless skin. Suddenly, their actions became frantic, desperate to kiss each other, to unclothe each other, to touch each other all in one go. It was clumsy yet passionate but it showed their true need, to be with each other. _

_Impulsively, Katniss reached out her hand and touched the line of hair that was underneath Peeta's belly button which evidently led to the unknown territory that she had never encountered before. It was as if there were fireworks within Peeta's body, as he felt his groin quiver in want and pure craving. He knew that this bold action of Katniss' was going to change everything._

_And it did._

_Peeta's consciousness and awareness was lost and he was suddenly trapped in the familiar horrific abyss of the Capitol. His hands formed tight manacles on Katniss' wrists, as he began to snarl and growl in her face. The strength in his body created a cage around Katniss and there was no escape. _

"_YOU DID THIS TO ME" Peeta yelled in her face, his spittle catching on her jaw and the corner of his own mouth, he was uncontrollable, a rabid dog, a different person, President Snow's personal weapon. _

"_YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS; IT'S ALL OF YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU" _

_He repeated the three words over and over again, his hands squeezing her wrists until fresh tears sprung in her eyes. Katniss had never seen him like this, there were flashbacks and the shouting was usual but never had he been so close, and the proxemics of his body and his anger made it hurt even more. _

"_Peeta" She said softly through the tears, praying to a God she didn't believe in that he would stop, that it wasn't happening, that he could look at her as he did a few moments ago. _

"_Peeta," She repeated it, but his fury and anger was still present and the sea blue eyes were the dark colour of troubled waters. _

_Katniss didn't know why she did it, but as her mouth opened so did her voice and she began to sing in hopes of lulling Peeta out of his mutt-like state and in the attempt to make him come back and be Peeta, not the mutation. _

"Down in the valley, the valley so low  
Hang your head over, hear the wind blow  
Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow;  
Hang your head over, hear the wind blow.  
Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,  
Angels in Heaven know I love you,  
Know I love you, dear, know I love you."

_As Katniss was singing she shut her eyes closed, in ord to block out the snarling face, by doing this she found different tears falling down the planes of her cheeks as she began to remember her Father singing the song to her Mother and how her own feelings applied to the lyrics and the melancholic melody. Once she had finished, she began it again until it turned into a chant of Katniss' unworldly voice filling up the entire room. _

_A soft pad of a thumb wiped away a tear that fell from her closed eyes, and Katniss realised that hands were no longer binding her wrists in a painful way, she then heard the stifled choking of sobs of his. Instantly, she opened her eyes and sat up, looking at his face. It was the expression of a broken man, someone who was so deeply ashamed of what he had done and someone who was exhausted by fighting the internal conflict within himself. _

_He couldn't bear to look at her, he knew that there would be some physical infliction as it was the worst loss of control he had had in a while, he didn't want her to forgive him, he wanted her to be mad, to be mad and angry at his weakness. But, Katniss would never be angry, he knew that she was too much of a damn good person to get frustrated. _

"_Peeta…" She began, touching his arm but he flinched away. _

"_I'm s-sorry Katniss, I'm so sorry, I hate myself, I'm a monster, I'm _their _monster and I hate it, I hate it all." _

_Katniss enveloped him into her arms, where he pressed his face against the fabric of the white shirt. She didn't care if he was going to hurt her, she cared about him, about his pain. She began to stroke his hair and kissed the crown of his head._

"_You're not the monster Peeta, _they _are, I'm just toxic for you…"_

_At this realisation, Katniss froze her mind running with thoughts and recognitions of the past couple of months of their joint recovery. _

"_It's me." She simply said, her muscles freezing "I'm the problem here, you're not recovering because I'm here, you can't recover because I'm always going to be that synonymous link to those hijacked memories… What are we doing Peeta?" _

_His muscles tensed and he quickly sat up, smoothing down Katniss' shirt, stroking her face attempting to stop her from making any rash sudden decisions. He kissed her forehead as she had done to his moments ago, and his eyes finally met hers. _

"_Don't say that Katniss please, please, you know I can't do this without you. I'll get stronger, I'll do anything as long as you're with me. We're doing this together because you're all I have and we need each other, I need you Katniss, I l-love you." _

_He kissed her tenderly on the mouth, a small kiss in hopes of reminding her, in hopes of igniting her true feelings. Katniss was numb, her head was reeling with self-doubt and little thoughts that were battling with each other. He had said "I love you", Katniss knew that he did but she was still unable to, even after all of the events that had happened in that one evening, to open herself up and be vulnerable to him. So she kissed him back, feeling the salty taste on her mouth from her own tears. _

"_Please don't leave me Katniss, just stay with me. I can do it with you, if you just stay with me."_

_Peeta was desperately clinging onto the hope of some confirmation that nothing would change, that they would go back to eating together and baking lessons together, that they would always be Peeta and Katniss. _

"_I promise" Katniss said quietly, and Peeta's faith in the next day was restored by the two words. As the moonlight hid her inner turmoil and revealed his pure remorse and guilt, the two fell asleep, side by side as if the desirous events and cruel consequences hadn't of happened. _

_The sunlight streamed through the translucent white curtains, and Peeta groaned and slowly opened his eyes. As soon as his eyes were opened and had adjusted to the bright light, he felt an emptiness within him. He looked to his left to see Katniss' side of the bed made. He was primarily confused, he had been so accustomed of waking up to see her reading or sound sleep, with unusual dexterity Peeta raced downstairs into the kitchen to meet the absence of Katniss. He made the circuit of the entire house, looking in every room, looking to see if her hunting gear had gone, when he finally ended up back in the bedroom. Baffled, he sat himself on the edge of the bed attempting to remember if she had said anything about her plans for that day when something within him forced him to look at her pillow, where a small scrap of paper laid. _

"_I can't." _

_The elusiveness of Katniss' scrawled handwriting was certainly ambiguous, but Peeta knew her, he knew her better than he knew himself and he knew that the two letters was her goodbye. As quick as a flash, he dropped the piece of paper and ran outside. Frantically, he began to scream, yell, shout at the top of his lungs. _

"_KATNISS!"_

* * *

"Katniss"

Peeta cried softly as he felt the hole in his chest gape open, allowing every thought, every emotion to do with her, to fully come back in. He had been defeated, he had weakened like that night against the hijacked memories, and he was defenceless. For the first time in a very long time, he felt scared of what was to come. Peeta's fingers pulled at his blonde hair in desperation and he permitted himself to let out another small stifled sob in anguish.

He was going to have to face the truth, the inevitable hurt and her.

* * *

_Right, so I hope you all enjoyed it and I had great fun writing it :D _

_I'd vastly appreciate it if you could ** review** and **subscribe **as I don't really think you should fall into passive-reader syndrome! We all have an opinion so please let me know :) Thank you so much! x_


	4. Chapter 4

_This entire chapter took me a while so I do apologize, I get the inkling that most of you are wanting smut and for Katniss and Peeta to just get together already! But I like writing things with a plot and a good old character arc, so hopefully you'll enjoy where I'm going with this. I got a bit of writer's block on this chapter purely because of the fact that I wanted to ease the story back into the present after the flashback in the last chapter._

* * *

There was a loud thumping filling up the backroom of the Mellark Bakery, at first Peeta had naively mistaken it for the ferocity of his heart rate, wildly beating against his chest due to the bombardment of every single memory related to Katniss Everdeen that he had attempted to bury. Suddenly, Peeta regained his awareness and realised that the loud noise was emanating from the door which his back was rested on. Peeta instinctively outreached his house to the doorknob, but found he couldn't bear to touch the brass metal, just in case he would have to face Delly's anger or even worse Katniss. As if answering all of his queries and doubts, a voice emerged from behind the wooden door.

"Bro, come on!"

Sighing, Peeta twisted the door handle and walked to the end of the room not wanting to meet the smug smile of his brothers face, as knowing his character he would probably make some lewd comment on "two girls, one Peeta." As soon as he heard the door click shut, Peeta spun around, preparing himself to face the superiority smarminess of his elder brother.

Ryen Mellark was four years older than Peeta, and besides the trademark smile and the muscular figure, he wasn't at all like his younger brother. Ryen was a charmer, he had the remarkable ability to attain any girl at the snap of his fingers due to his dark brooding eyes and his killer chat up lines. He had been the one to tell Peeta everything he needed to know about girls, how to avoid the clingy ones, and how to please and tease a woman. Ryen had been married for two years, and despite being mature in his relationship, he failed to treat Peeta as the twenty year old that he was, which prompted Peeta's dread of what Ryen was going to say.

"Peet', you look… are you ok? I saw her as soon as you did."

Peeta was surprised at the compassion that his brother was showing, it had been the first time since Ryen's wedding day that he hadn't surpassed the temptation to take the sheer piss out of him. Peeta's betraying mind flashed the recent image of her grey pebble coloured irises that looked alarmed at the amount of people who were approaching, there was the same stabbing pain in his body and he managed a shrug to answer Ryen's question.

"Look, I know I'm your older brother and we don't talk about feelings or shit, but I saw what she did to you and it scared all of us. I just don't want to see you go down that road again. I mean, you're with Delly now who, well who's your fiancée , and Katniss is…"

Peeta breathed and looked down at the floor, "Katniss. Katniss is Katniss." Peeta covered his face with his hands and exhaled.

"I know Peeta, I've known ever since you started humming that blasted song she sang all those years ago day after day. But you can't hide in here, don't you remember Dad? How he used to hide in the back room of the bakery when Mum was in one of her moods. It's not going to help anything, so let's just go back in and you'll deal with it."

Peeta couldn't believe how his brother, who he had once considered to be a sex driven automaton, was giving advice. He narrowed his eyes and was met with a sad smile from Ryen. The death of James Mellark had been a shock to the three boys, their Dad had been a submissive and quiet man who had feared the presence of his vicious wife Cassandra, but had essentially been the rock of the entire family. As if knowing that Peeta was reflecting on the way their Father used to tell the most fantastic stories and sneak them freshly baked bread when their Mother wasn't looking, Ryen enveloped his kid brother in a warm embrace.

"When did you get so… deep Rye'?" Peeta asked raising his eyebrow at his brothers uncharacteristic manner, he was met with a grin and was told that he had to face the music at some point.

Peeta wouldn't tell his arrogant brother that he was right as he knew his ego would grow into the size of a small planet, but he was right about many things. He didn't want to be his caring yet weak Father, and no matter how daunting and horrible it would be to see her, to speak to her, to confront her about everything, Peeta knew it was inevitable and that the pain would be included in that inevitability. He was twenty years old, he had faced Cato, the ordeal of the Games and the malevolence of President Snow and his hijacking. He could face a girl, surely? It was a brave attempt at convincing himself of Katniss' normality and that he would be numb to the effect she had on him, but Peeta knew deep down that seeing _the one_ who had left him and had broken him would be the worst thing he would have to face.

And yet still, Peeta couldn't face the disappointment of his brothers or the sadness of Delly at how he hadn't forgotten the Girl on Fire. Ryen's expectant smile said it all, the Games were over, his odd relationship with Katniss was over, yet still everyone was wanting something from Peeta Mellark and the impending pressure of it all was suffocating him.

"You coming?" Ryen prompted, his eyes eager at the thought of inspiring his brother with his rare emotive speech.

"Yes, I'm coming." Peeta swallowed, and as if walking to the gallows, he opened the door.

* * *

"We shouldn't be here"

She hissed from the corner of her mouth as she attempted to dodge the quizzical townsfolk who she hadn't seen in eighteen months. It was a mistake, a mistake that would have serious repercussions on everything. Not only was it a mistake, to her annoyance it was yet another statement. The late entrance, the eyes all on her, Katniss was sick of it all, for once she would've just liked to live in peace and quiet without the intrusive questions that seemed to bombard her in a persistent blitz.

Gale Hawthorne's hand stretched out on the small of her back, and he whispered back to her.

"There's nothing we can do about it now, so smile."

She shifted away from Gale's controlling palm, knowing that he was enjoying the attention and wanted to show everyone that he was in the picture. He wasn't, as much as Gale had strived to replace _him _in the last eighteen months, his portrayal of the doting cousin was just more apparent to the people of Panem. Katniss found the corners of her mouth turning up slightly as she greeted Bessie the ninety-year old who she used to give squirrels to.

She was smiling, but really, Katniss was dying inside.

They had stumbled across the party when the large hovercraft had dropped them back in District 12, and through Gale's suggestion of re-acquainting themselves with the townspeople and joining the congregation, they had entered the party just at the moment where _he _was at the epi-centre of it all. Immediately, Katniss' eyes had relished at the sight of Peeta Mellark. He looked healthy, the irises of his blue eyes were startling even from the back of the room and he had grown in build, his muscles tangible underneath the handsome suit he had adorned. It had been eighteen months since she had seen him, and it had been possibly one of the most difficult things that she had ever had todo. But seeing him smiling and bashfully grinning at one of his brother's shouting out was like no time had passed at all, she could feel the warmth of his body reaching out to her more than ever.

Her view was suddenly clearer as someone shifted, allowing her to see more of him and… more of the girl who had her arm wrapped around his waist. She looked to her side, but Gale had gone to get a glass of punch for the both of them, so she couldn't ask for his help to identify the petite, small blonde girl who was now beaming at Peeta and the audience.

She looked so familiar to Katniss which frustrated her even more, but her memory of faces had been tarnished after the Games, as remembering the faces of the dead were the only ones she could ever recall. For some reason, Katniss wasn't focused on the small blonde girl that clutched onto Peeta and looked up at his great height, she focused on the Boy with the Bread. He was wearing a black suit she hadn't seen before, and she could see him slightly rocking to and fro on his metallic leg. He was looking nervously at the audience, and Katniss' mind begin to whirr with thoughts of how he would react when he saw her, how she would react when the inevitable horrific conversation would occur.

It had been the only thing Katniss thought of at night before she crawled into her bunk on the hovercraft, what she would say, how she would be able to justify what she did to him, the poor explanation, the evident anger she would face. Her body had begun to wrack with nerves as she thought of it all, and she took a step back, hiding herself in the masses of people.

But she could still see him, Peeta ran his fingers through his hair, moulding it to an obscure shape which immediately looked attractive. There was a pause, a moment of expectation as he opened his mouth, and Katniss could see that everyone was hanging on the suspense of what he was about to announce. It reminded her very much of their time in front of the camera, how the audience would love his humour and his playful banter with Caesar Flickerman, and yet they still respected him.

"Ladies, and Gentlemen" His voice rang throughout the building that was decorated in twinkling lights that smiled at Katniss, his voice was still deep and robust yet friendly and warm, Katniss' spine shivered in pleasure when she heard his ringing voice, it had been a long eighteen months, and oddly at the sound of Peeta's words, Katniss felt at home. A word she hadn't thought of once in that long period of time.

"..I'm sorry for interrupting your evening. It's been lovely to see you all here, but as most of you expressed your wonder, there is a reason for Delly and I inviting you here to my bakery tonight."

Katniss was captivated on his every word alike the townsfolk, three things clicked as he was taking a nervous gulp of air to continue on. This building was his bakery, Peeta had done it. He had done what he had set out to do, he had fulfilled his desires to continue the legacy of his Father. It was a beautiful building, a place that definitely had the Mellark stamp all over it, and an overwhelming sense of pride encompassed Katniss' very being.

The second thing that Katniss became aware of was the identification of the petite blonde girl that was now giggling and grinning in a girlish, garish way. Delly Cartwright, of course, how could have Katniss not have recognized her? The girl that had made her life at school an unbearable one, the popular girl who would refer to her as the "Seam Beggar" or the "Seam Boy", the girl who seemed as if she hadn't changed one bit.

And the third thing, the last one that was more sore and more unbelievable than any of the other things that Katniss had realised, was the fact that she was suddenly aware that Peeta and Delly were an item. They were together, Katniss was naïve beforehand to just look at their cuddling and smiles as friendly and platonically affectionate. The way Delly held onto him was a clear message to all of the women in the room that Peeta was her possession. Katniss' breath caught in the back of her throat, and she felt the onset of tears stinging the apex of her eyes, defiantly she held them back, giving refusal to feel anything but just to listen to his speech.

"..And therefore I'd like to announce something, a week ago I asked Delly, a girl I've known for years, to marry me, and she said yes."

Katniss felt the room spin, and clutched onto the nearest thing which just transpired to be Gale Hawthorne returning with glasses of a lurid pink punch. She felt numb entirely, and couldn't deduce or separate the bubbling emotions that were simmering inside of her. Katniss Everdeen's demise was the inability to be open with her feelings and confront them, this was a classic example of this and she simply held onto Gale's arm, attempting to hold herself together and shield herself from the inevitable pain.

"Well fancy that." Gale's husky voice muttered, audible enough for Katniss to hear the amusement in his voice, he knocked back the punch with ease and gave a wolfish smile to Katniss, "Well this night just got interesting."

* * *

The loud chatter and laughter jolted Peeta as he stepped out of his hiding place, Ryen grinned at him and slapped him on the back. The bakery was so full that he wasn't able to make out the bouncing blonde head of Delly, and he was grateful for that on the basis that hopefully the crowd would work in his favour and secrete the grey Seam eyes. Peeta had no idea what he was going to say to Delly to excuse his thirty minute absence, or whether or not he was going to stay for the duration of the evening which increased the likelihood of him coming face to face with the Girl on Fire.

Peeta struggled against the tide of the crowd, unsure of what he was looking for, or who he was looking for, but wading through nonetheless. Finally, he heard an excited shriek,

"PEETY BREAD! BABY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

Peeta turned around, immediately recognizing the annoying and embarrassing pet name that Delly had given him, he grinned at her swaying small form and saw a large glass of punch in her hands.

"Sorry Delly, I had to talk to Ryen about… Him being my best man." It was a bad thing that lying came so easily to Peeta in these situations with Delly, yet Peeta knew that the truth would hurt her.

He anticipated the full force of Delly's anger, the classic silent treatment and the full on rage when they returned home with the hysterical crying and tantrums. However, the alcohol seemed to work in his benefit as she smiled and unsteadily reached up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear.

"I'm really tipsy Peety', but I can't wait for tonight."

Peeta gulped, he had forgotten the ridiculous pact that they had made because of all the drama with Katniss' appearance. Instinctively, Peeta looked around the room quickly scanning for the grey orbs that were on his mind. Peeta quickly focused himself back onto his teetering fiancée, and smirked to himself at the easiness of it all, and how he could escape the meeting with Katniss that would wreck him entirely, and possibly get out of the wild ludicrous things that Delly had planned for the two of them.

"I think we should get you home Delly, just to make sure you're alright."

He cupped her cheek with his hand, and she smiled woozily and succumbed to his charming blue eyes.

"Ok, ok… someone's an eager beaver" Delly giggled immaturely and attempted to nudge him but managed to stumble, when she had regained balance and control, she grinned dreamily at Peeta "I'll meet you outside Peety' bread, I've got to say goodbye to Mummy."

Peeta nodded and politely gave her a kiss on the cheek, which was met with smiles from the surrounding townsfolk at the public display of affection that they rarely saw from the couple. As he turned to walk away, Peeta found himself thanking the universe for resolving the night in a way that wouldn't set him fifty steps back from the improvement that he had already made. Yes, Peeta's head was swimming with an abundance of thoughts about Katniss Everdeen, but seeing her and talking to her would've intensified every painful memory and emotion he had stored inside of him.

Many people believe in jinxes, and a couple days later Peeta would firmly believe in never hastily thanking the universe again.

She was in front of him, it was all Peeta could see, as if a spotlight was stuck directly on her and his eyes were frozen on the figure that was Katniss Everdeen. He immediately stopped walking, and took his hands out of his pockets, his mouth was agape as he took her in. There was change in her, but she was still the same girl that had accepted that loaf of bread all of those many years ago. Her hair was tousled freely down her back and the burnt cindering ends of her hair were replaced with long luscious strands that waved in a chestnut waterfall. She was wearing a simple white cotton dress that he had never seen before, but perfectly complimented her womanly figure.

Their eyes met, and hers widened with shock and surprise. Peeta's eyes glanced over her once, twice and a final third time. She was standing a couple of feet away from him, eighteen months without Katniss Everdeen and the pain was apparent and was stabbing against Peeta's chest.

He didn't know what to do, should he confront her and talk to her in a civil manner whilst desperately trying to keep his voice at a normal level and hide the furnace of emotions that were blazing inside of him?

And then suddenly his mind was made up, as a figure stood next to her and put his arm around her, unaware of Peeta's watching eyes. Gale Hawthorne, the overly muscular boy who Katniss' heart and affection had once belonged to, and it seemed like it did once more. He hadn't changed, the arrogant air was emanating from him, and Katniss looked up at him and back to Peeta, her eyes wide and alarmed.

He couldn't take it anymore, the picture of the two, his arm possessively around her shoulders, the way they matched together with their hair and eye colour mimicking each other's. Peeta couldn't swallow, and he felt the tightness of his collar and tie intensify.

It was as if Peeta's legs couldn't handle the look on Katniss' face or the arrogant smirk of Gale's as he realised who was watching them, and with stealth he was lead out of the door with no option but to pass the _Seam couple_. As Peeta walked past Katniss, he could see her mouth open as if she was about to say something, but he looked down, smelling the bombardment of her fragrant floral perfume that he had never smelt before.

As soon as the fresh air hit Peeta's face, tears began to free fall and he stifled his sobs in the crook of his arm.

He was breaking.

* * *

She was crumbling.

Peeta Mellark had walked straight past her, straight through her as if she wasn't there, as if she didn't matter. Of course, he had the right to after what she did to him, but his actions still cut deep and she could feel her chest heaving at the turmoil within her.

She shrugged Gale's arm off of her, and closed her eyes, breathing deeply.

For once, Katniss didn't have a plan, it wasn't like hunting where she would carefully map out her route and the way she would kill her prey in her head. And for once, Katniss felt completely lost, the constant of Peeta had been long gone but the idea that he hated her, was the worst feeling that she had ever come about.

Katniss Everdeen had to talk to him.

* * *

_Again, this chapter doesn't live up the M rating but I promise there will be lots of smuttiness and lemons in the next chapter as I'm already three quarters the way in doing it. _

_I'd love to hear all of your thoughts and opinions, and I strongly don't believe in a complacent reader, everyone has an opinion so please, please, please let me hear yours! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and remember _**review **_and _**subscribe!** _  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hi! Sorry I've left it a while, but as you can see this chapter is quite long and hopefully it satisfies! I haven't got to the main crux of it, and as you can see that I'm planning on doing a lot of chapters to make it a proper little story. I really hope you like it, and hopefully you'll give me your feedback and constructive criticism!_

* * *

The warmth of the night air wasn't a comfort to Peeta as he supported his _fiancée _back to the cottage where she lived with her family, it was stifling him. The heat of the air was warming the fastidious feelings that were festering inside of him, he could feel the inevitability of the roar of his emotions which would of course make him do something he would truly regret; fulfil Delly's wish. Peeta glanced at the expectant girl he was helping; Delly Cartwright was a mess, her impeccable appearance was suddenly sloppy, her hair was knotted and tangled and her lipstick smudged on her chin. As Peeta attempted to lead her in the right direction, she would frantically attempt to break away and would often burst into song of some slurred incoherence.

All in all, Peeta was hoping that the state of the woman he was expected to "ravish" tonight would be advantageous that the side effect of the alcohol she had consumed through the course of the night would work to her detriment. However, still at this possibility of Peeta avoiding something that he couldn't bear to think about, the anxiety within Peeta was just another emotion added to the steaming pot of turmoil, heartbreak, confusion and anger.

Eventually, after Delly clumsily stepping on his feet in her ridiculous stiletto heels and vomiting a few times on the cobbled pavement, they arrived at her childhood home.

"We're here" Peeta said loudly to her, cradling her head in his hands so to stop it from drooping to one side. Her once energetic eyes were now manic, whirling around in the sockets attempting to recognise the place she was in. Her eyes suddenly settled on the blue wooden door, and to Peeta's aghast she managed to jump into his arms lacking any elegance or grace, and yet as it was a reflex Peeta's hands supported her legs which she managed to hook around his hips.

"B…but Peety', we-we-we're supposhed to bwe going to your place."

The drunken baby voice wasn't helping Delly's allure to the disgusted Peeta as her stale, putrid breath hit him hard; he impulsively put her down not wanting to encourage her any more than he already had. It wasn't as if Peeta was a pathological liar who would flippantly promise the small blonde girl her wishes, it was just that he couldn't bear to be the one who had to break someone's heart as he surely was well acquainted with that day-to-day feeling. He steadied her so that she wouldn't fall over, and paused for a second wondering what he would say and how her inebriated situation would interpret it.

"Delly, look at me, I think it would be a wise decision if you slept it off here tonight."

There was an unfathomable pause where Peeta suddenly found himself fearing her reaction, but her amiable response came as a surprise to the tall, blonde boy. She smiled and attempted to elbow him playfully, but instead managed to slightly fall.

"Ok big bo-oy, but you, you are coming up with me!"

A seductive smirk played on the edge of her lips, it would in a sober state portray Delly Cartwright as a sheer temptress but with the copious amount of alcohol she consumed she merely looked a little an eager, yet woozy three year old. Peeta closed his eyes and with a big gulp of air, he lifted the teetering girl into his arms with the hope of cradling her like he had done with his nephew. However, Delly's lips began violently attacking his neck, the smacking sound made his stomach turn as he thought of how she had doubled over not five minutes ago, retching her guts up on the once beautiful cobble stones.

He was glad to reach Delly's childhood bedroom, the walls were a light pink and there was an abundance of frills and garish girly items, he attempted to lower her down on her double bed.

"Dell', you've got to let go" He said, struggling with her vice like grip, her talon like nails were clutching into his shoulder blades leaving their mark of the entire night. He grimaced at the discomfort, and managed to free her manacle hold of him causing her to fall back on the bed. She looked up at him, her eyes misted over, her lips curling in surprise. Peeta went over to turn the light on, in the vain attempt of killing the desire that rested in her dilated pupils, but when he turned around he saw that she was struggling with her dress. There was a tear, and the torn fabric was flung across the room. Peeta looked at his fiancée, who was in nothing but her underwear, her huge chest intimidated him and reminded him of the sickening look of the Capitol women and their surgical enhancements, and the way she was looking at him was as if Delly Cartwright was about to attack.

He took a step back, nearing towards the door. He looked at the bewildered face of the plastered girl and smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry, but not tonight Delly, just sleep it off, and I will see you in the morning."

Her mouth opened wide and after a moment of silence, with little dexterity she managed to stumble to her feet, lunging her half naked body towards the startled baker. Her arm boldly snaked around his neck, and her leg wrapped around his thigh. For even in her drunk state, Delly was both determined and petrified. She had wanted this for so long, and since he had always refrained from crossing the boundary it had made her ravenous to be satisfied sexually. She needed to mean something more to him, to have a special place and almost ownership of his virginity because then it would make him _hers, _and not the vile Seam girl who seemed to ruin everything.

"Feel my heart Peety', I want you so bad" she slurred, grabbing his hand and forcefully pressing it against her breast. She moaned into the feeling of his hot palm on her bare skin, and arched her back hoping to encourage him to stir his frozen fingers. There was an unfathomable pause where his hand was motionless on the swell of her chest, and Delly's intoxicated brain began desperately holding onto anything which would grant her sole wish.

Peeta looked down at her expectant eyes and then to his hand which chastely rested on her extravagant lace bra, he didn't know what to do for of course he was still a man, a man who had a member which annoyingly betrayed his good intentions and caused much more trouble for himself. Eventually, he moved his palm to the other side of her chest but rested it on her sternum. He smiled and whispered,

"Your heart is on this side Delly."

The rejection was palpable; she had given him the opportunity to ravish her, to show her how he felt in more of a physical way. And of course, due to the amount of vodka tonics and cocktails she had consumed, Delly reacted in the only way she knew how, which was to throw such a fit until she got what she wanted.

"And where's your heart, P-peeta? Is it on my side, or is it on _HERS_?"

The venom injected into her accusation made him flinch and remember the horrible details of what had taken place, how she had looked at him and how it had taken every cell in his body to make him walk straight past her. And yet, his heart was still singing for her, singing the song she had sung when she had brought him back to her on the night she had left, singing for her love. And yet, here he was with another girl, still in complete denial and still having that strangled sense of hope that one day he would be able to forget Katniss Everdeen, even though deep down he was aware that this was the impossible.

Peeta Mellark's heart had always been Katniss', since the first time in that god forsaken assembly when she had opened her mouth and let out the most angelic sound he had ever encountered. He could remember every single minute detail about her, the way she would hold her own hand when she was feeling anxious or alone, how she would crease her nose slightly whilst she was sleeping, and how she would always study an item of food before devouring it in haste. For fourteen years, Peeta Mellark's world had revolved around the Seam girl, for eighteen months, he was living in fear that even the feel of leather, or the smell of strawberries would bring him right back to the girl who had so unconsciously affected him. He had tried to deny his feelings, but the potency of them had destroyed him and the cathartic response that he had earlier on felt like just the tip of the iceberg.

The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife, but Peeta couldn't look at Delly just yet for the fear of acting on impulsivity and breaking her heart. Peeta was still unsure of how he felt for Delly Cartwright, at times he felt she was the only constant thing he had going, she was always there and would always listen to him whatever the situation. But her domineering persona, seemed to strike him down at unexpected times and if she didn't have control over any small irrelevance, her reaction would make him second guess his feelings towards how he felt to her continuing presence. She was considerate, caring and conscious but then she was also incredibly irritating, forceful and paranoid. She didn't have the fire in her that Katniss had possessed the drive, the spontaneity, or the pure anger at injustice; she was comfortable in the ordinary and wouldn't push for any different. Delly was conventionally pretty but demanded confirmation in this, whereas the Seam girl didn't have a shallow bone in her body. There were so many parallels that Peeta could draw upon, and after months of doing so, even the negatives of Delly Cartwright couldn't persuade him from breaking it off with her due to the immense fear. Peeta's fear of being alone and having no diversions to distract him from the crippling pain of facing the overwhelming pain that Katniss had caused scared him, also the addition of him experiencing a Capitol "Rage" on his own and doing something that he would regret was one of the stigmas for him to stay with Delly.

Peeta of course instantly recognised the selfishness in these reasons, but then the affection and attachment to Delly became more apparent and he realised that he didn't want to break her heart or let her experience the pain that he was forced to encounter. He wanted to protect her from the harshness of love and real life, and the longer he stayed with her, the easier it was. He could go hours without being reminded of the hurt or the pain, purely because Delly was the best distraction and would be considerate of his _sensitivity _towards several things that had any relation to the Everdeen girl. Peeta loved Delly for it, he loved her for the company she provided and how she would almost tiptoe around his delicate feelings. And even when at times he had wanted to fall in love with her and feel passion and desire, he could only ever think of her as a very close childhood friend.

"It's on hers Delly, it always will be" He breathed giving her the honest answer she deserved, he couldn't lead her up the garden path any longer, and his need to set things straight and face the overcoming loneliness and grief that was bound to hit him hard would be a better price than having regrets and playing a pretence any longer.

Yet Delly was slumped on her mattress, her mouth wide open, her eyes closed in a blissful unknown where she was still marrying Peeta Mellark, where she would get to wear an ostentatious wedding gown and be the centre of attention for months. Her sleeping state had shielded her from the truth, and Peeta was unable to believe his luck.

Without uttering another word, and attempting to ignore the desire to shake her awake and have an honest conversation about how he really felt, he decided to leave the slumbering girl and try again when she was more lucid and sober. He silently turned the light off and walked out into humid evening.

* * *

Peeta Mellark was a spontaneous figure who would always try to act on sudden urges and emotions, yet he had one rule, a tradition that ended his evening with a sombre feel to it no matter the occasion. As he walked to the iron gates of the church yard, he touched the brick wall reverently as he always did, every single night since he had returned to the District. It had become a regular thing to visit the Districts graveyard, when Peeta and Katniss had first returned together they used to go every day but separate at different rows to pay their respects to their loved ones, laying flowers or memento's on the ice cold blocks of stone.

Peeta walked slowly through the maze of identical tombstones, looking at the owners names and occasionally touching the corner of one if he recognised the name, there was Marcus the Post-Boy who was always round at the Bakery causing mischief with his brother Grainham Mellark, and Mr Fry his Art teacher who would praise him for the intricacy of his work. Peeta would do this every so often until he reached the sixth row, the fourth slab of rock down.

It had angered both Peeta and Katniss that every single tombstone looked exactly the same, she had immediately gone to the President and demanded for a new set to be made, for there to be some originality in such a place of despondence, whereas in time Peeta had learnt to accept it. For they were all the same really, the District was merely treated as a profitable source, not a home, or a place where a community had existed. And the carbon copy likeness of the headstones showed a sense of unity, that even though they lacked distinctiveness in some cases, and wealth, there was always a strong sense of unity.

Peeta knelt down at his destination, his knee's barely touching the foot of the headstone and he began to tenderly rub the name etched into the stone; "James Arthur Mellark." He began to speak softly to the inanimate object, filling in his Dad about the engagement party and how his bakery had looked, and who he encountered and how badly it still hurt;

"…Will the pain ever go away Dad?"

There was a pause where Peeta heard only the rustling of the wind tickling the leaves on the big orchard trees, and oddly he felt compelled to lift up his head and stare straight ahead. In doing so, an odd sense of de ja vu struck him unexpectedly. He had forgotten what he used to do when he came to visit the very same place with Katniss Everdeen, after paying his respects to his Father and almost giving a monologue to what had been happening, he would always look up as directly parallel to where he was standing, there was Katniss standing at her little sisters headstone. He would use to look at her, watch the glistening tears fall from her grey eyes as her legs began to buckle with the emotion causing her to sit cross-legged by the large piece of stone. He would use to watch her full mouth mutter private words to the sister she doted on, to the sister she saved from the Capitol, to the sister who was yet another piece of collateral damage in the Capitol's reign. Peeta could remember the way her lustrous brunette locks would move in the wind, veiling her lovely saddened face. And then after a while of Peeta staring at her intently, enveloping every inch of her with his blue eyes, she would look up and meet his eyes and he would burn under her quizzical, appreciative and knowing gaze. And then they would leave the place of despondency, not touching or holding hands but Peeta strongly remembered feeling as if they would always have each other.

The bitter irony was tangible for Peeta Mellark, now but he felt comforted by the fact that he had at least let one memory of Katniss Everdeen surpass his memory for so long, until now of course. There was still the same stabbing pain in his heart when he focused too long on the recollection of her chestnut wavy hair, and her downcast grey eyes which were almost luminescent due to the vast amount of tears. Peeta instinctively held onto James Mellark's memorial, for both physical and emotional support. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on anything else, he found himself begin to distract himself by reciting his Fathers own recipe of his delicious Sunflower Bread.

He smiled as he found his body relax and unhinge from the past memory, it was becoming easier to focus his mind elsewhere which was an encouraging sign that he had more control over his brain, and that the Capitol's ingrained influence was slowly evaporating.

Peeta lifted himself up from his knees, and began to dust away the dirt from his suit trousers. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and for a moment took his eyes off of his Fathers headstone and into the distance.

And there she was.

She wasn't a memory this time, she definitely wasn't a mirage and Peeta wasn't dreaming. She was stood there, real as ever, in the same white cotton dress she had worn when she had stepped into his Bakery. Katniss Everdeen was there, in exactly the same place he had remembered as she looked morosely down at Prim's headstone. Her supple long fingers were caressing the stone and her rouged lips were murmuring sweet incantations of conversation. The wind had manipulated her hair to fall elegantly over one shoulder, but Peeta could tell that she was breaking inside. Just like he was, she was there and it was killing him but it was clear to him that she was devastated and missing her precious sister and that too, even after all she had done, was killing him.

* * *

Eighteen months she hadn't been there, she had wanted to come back and visit the cluttered graveyard of all of the sacrifices that were made during the New Rebellion, she had then wanted to run into _him_ but the fear of what to say, and the guilt of knowing how her sister would've responded if she was here, with her blonde plaits and her doe brown eyes, she never did. The stone felt smooth under her moving fingertips, and she interpreted it as a reassurance that everything would work out, it was times like these, times in difficulty when Katniss was experiencing so much emotion but didn't know how to say how she felt, that she needed Prim more than ever.

Gale had wanted to come with her for "moral support", but she knew that she had to do it alone and confront her first fear of the overwhelming guilt that she would feel. As soon as she had found the right row, and come across the right headstone, she felt it. The remorse flooded her very being and it was more potent than she had ever felt during the eighteen months, she knew how Primrose would have reacted how she would have been disgusted at the callousness of what Katniss had done, but how she would have been rational and coaxed her to return to the Boy with the Bread.

In the short time that she had been there, standing at Prim's grave stroking the white rock, the devastation of what had happened earlier made another appearance. After he had walked past her, looking straight through her with a face like thunder, she had fled to the ladies toilets where she had wept uncontrollably, not for the first time, and she knew not for the last time.

Suddenly, at this moment the tears started to fall reprehensibly, Katniss wasn't good at this, showing emotion, she would normally just dig a metaphorical shallow ditch and throw all of the angst and sadness in there. He was getting married, she thought, he hated her, she repeated silently over and over in her head. But most of all, there was the ridiculous realisation that she had lost him, well and truly. It was a stupid thought for the main reason that _she _had been the one that left, and that she knew it was for his greater good as she wasn't able to be the stigma that caused all of the Capitol toxicity within him. But, she had lost his good opinion and his friendship and the way he had rightfully so walked past her was a true sign that he hated her with every bone in his body.

Katniss let out another shallow sob, her body shaking uncontrollably and her knee's began to buckle. She was on the floor, wailing and holding onto the foot of Prim's headstone. She needed her little sister more than ever, Katniss missed the sweet kisses on her cheek from Prim and the caring advice of her little duck, and alike Peeta friendship and love, Primrose was gone and would never return.

The tears rolled onto her neck in a rebellious fit to finally get away from the Seam eyes that had so ruthlessly held them captive, and Katniss bitterly thought that it was a mistake to ever return to District Twelve, the town that was built on a vast graveyard.

* * *

She was crying like Peeta had never seen her cry before, she was crumbling and breaking and self-destructing before his very eyes and he just stood there, shocked by the rare showcase of her emotion and angry that she was the one who was crying. He heard her wail _her _name, and instantly the bitterness of this last thought left him, he knew how she had given up everything when Prim had died, how she used to lock herself in her room for weeks on end turning to liquor and refusing all food, and she was still hurting. Peeta couldn't think of how she had left him, or how it still felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest where she ripped out his heart, he just thought about her and her bereavement of her sister. He wanted to go over and cradle her in his arms until the crying stopped, but everything was different now, it was as if they were strangers. Peeta couldn't hold her for the fear of her leaving him again, he couldn't hold her for the fear that the pain would intensify when he next saw her with Gale Hawthorne, and he couldn't hold her for the fear that he knew he would crumble and break just as she was doing and it would open up a whole can of worms.

So he just looked on at her, his hands still in his pockets as if he was restraining himself from reaching out to her, his feet shoulder width apart in a calm position as if he was trying to keep up the pretence that he was ok and everything was fine, but his wild blue eyes were swimming with emotion as he watched her. Peeta couldn't think what to do, and once again he felt like the idiotic young boy who was so desperate to get her attention, the young boy who had thrown that burnt loaf of bread on the whim to save her, the young boy who was in love with her.

* * *

The wailing and howling stopped, and with a tremble Katniss let a shuddery breath escape her. She had to compose herself; she couldn't return to The Hob where Gale was waiting for her and have the blotchy corned-beef looking face that would instantly give away her purge of emotions. She knew it would give Gale a reason to cuddle her and suffocate her with squeezes of affection and then ask her awkwardly if she needed him to stay with her in bed. It had been a definite mistake, to reveal to him whilst under the influence of an odd cocktail that she had drank in District 3 that for the majority of the time her and Peeta Mellark had slept in the same bed. She had seen his colour rise, and instantly knew that he would not stop till he had the same privilege.

Slowly she raised herself off from the ground and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, not caring about the annoying Capitol eye makeup that Johanna had encouraged her to put on back on the hovercraft. She looked one final time at Prim's graveyard and made a mental promise that she wouldn't leave it so long and that her visits would become more regular to the overpopulated graveyard. There hadn't been a moment that went by in eighteen months that she didn't think about her brave little sister and her compassion for anything and everything. Katniss raised her eyes to the night sky where the stars were winking at her, and by the position of the moon she could tell that she had been gone far too long and Gale would begin to worry.

As Katniss lowered her eyes slightly she saw him. She saw his long stature adorned with the white shirt and suit trousers, she saw his hands in his pockets displaying his anxiety, his blonde hair looking darker in the night but his bright blue eyes shining with anticipation. Peeta Mellark met her grey eyes and quickly looked away at his feet. It reminded her strongly of the stolen glances that she used to see him take during their time together, his bashfulness and shyness was always evident when she caught him, but during those times she would always become acutely embarrassed or self-conscious. This time, on the other hand, was entirely different; he was avoiding her again.

She didn't avert her eyes at all, she was transfixed with the sight of him. Eighteen months had been too long, and her eyes were feasting on him. He had changed in considerable ways, he had gotten taller and more athletic and his hair wasn't as short, but he was still the same Peeta, her Peeta. She was hypnotised by the very sight of him at his bakery, but this time was different, this time she wasn't taking casual glances or subtly changing position so she could get a better glimpse of him, there was no one _breathing _around. It was just them. And so she stared.

She knew what to do, the ferocity inside of her couldn't be diminished by the overpowering fear of him walking away again. She was the Girl on Fire after all, and Katniss Everdeen needed to explain, she needed to give an apology that would never deserve forgiveness or him forgetting what she did, but most of all she needed him. Katniss craved his conversation, she needed for him to smile at her again, and she wanted his friendship back more than anything. It was unrealistic and ridiculous as she knew _why_ she had left and how they were reasons at his best interest and that by her constant contact with him was to her detriment. But after eighteen months, and feeling completely emotionally drained from everything, Katniss just needed the boy who had always been there for her. Katniss needed the Boy with the Bread.

She couldn't think about the consequences and the "If's and But's" of everything, she just needed to talk to him about everything, about that night and how he had walked right through her, about his relationship with Delly, about Prim and their current surroundings, and about why she had done what she had done. Her legs began to carry her to the end of the row, and her grey eyes never left his face which was still fixated on his shoes, she walked with purpose and trepidation not knowing about how he would react to her. She quickly reached the strip of stone headstones where he was situated, and at this point his eyes found her. He seemed to be frozen as he hadn't angled his lithe body towards her, Katniss could see his fingers slowly move around in his pockets, and she saw a shiver quake his entire body. She faltered at seeing him shake, but still walked towards him, not touching her hair self-consciously or breaking eye contact, she found herself entirely focused on Peeta Mellark.

Finally, she was before him, he wasn't a great deal taller than her but the fear that encompassed her very being made her feel mouse-like with tiny proportions. She looked up at him, his eyes sparkling in the crescent moon, his shoulders stiff and jaw clenched. With one look at him, Katniss couldn't help but compare him to an earthquake that was ready to hit, it looked as if he was using all of his might to hold himself in. Gone was the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve, who had the most readable face and to whom there was never a question mark over how he was feeling. She had done that to him. Katniss looked down at his feet, trying to hide the tears that were stinging the apex of her eyes.

Yet suddenly, even when she had felt like she had lost it entirely, all of the composure, all of the restraint. Peeta Mellark was stepping in for her, as he had always done, at the Ceremony, in the Arena, on the Victory Tour. He was there, and the comfort of his presence of saying the first six words distracted Katniss entirely from his serious, monotonous and detached tone and the way in which he had said it, which made everything from that moment seem bleak.

"I think we need to talk"

* * *

Please remember to **review** and **subscribe**, thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

_Hi guys! Sorry I haven't posted in such a long time, I've been struggling with going back to school and adjusting to all of the new changes and the masses upon masses of homework. Again, this is quite a long chapter but finally we have the__confrontation between Katniss and Peeta! _

_I really hope you enjoy this chapter :)_

* * *

They had travelled through the graveyard, their nervous feet guiding the silent pair between the rows and columns of uniformed tombstones. It was as if they were silent phantoms, despondently searching for something, in this case it was the right words, and the reassurance that their emotions wouldn't violently stir and make everything just that little bit more worse.

He had initiated the first words spoken to her in eighteen months through impulsivity, it was wrecking him inside to just see her glisten in the moonlight, a noiseless nymph standing in front of him oblivious to the effect she had, just to see the ripple of her dark hair and to become reacquainted with her characteristics that had spurred him onto falling irrevocably in love with her was torturous. It was ironic how such a beautiful girl could bring him so much pain and surface negative sentiment. His words had been on the tip of the tongue, and knowing how she was a closed book in every situation and would very rarely allow herself to be read, he knew that the responsibility of breaking the expectant evening silence would rest upon him. It had taken him several moments for himself to will up the courage and make damn sure that he wouldn't break into either a pathetic mess or an angry state in front of her. It was at this point where he remembered Rye, his elder brother, giving him advice how to "deal with women". Yet Rye was wrong, because he had never seduced or figured out a girl of such complexity like Katniss Everdeen, and even after spending so much time with her, Peeta Mellark was still having difficulty on how the fierce yet deeply sensitive Victor would handle the impending situation.

"I think we need to talk."

He had said, he instantly noticed how his voice was chilling unlike the warm summers evening, how he was distant and how the inflection of his tone and almost made it seem as if they were complete strangers. In a way, Peeta was glad about this, he was determined to not break and if it meant adopting a disposition like the callous stone graveyards, then he would do so.

And so they ambled along down the footpath which led to a small uncluttered area of the church garden which didn't have the bereft atmosphere that the graveyard had, but Peeta could definitely sense the anticipation in the night air. He wanted to talk, in one mind Peeta was desperate to explain about everything and to merely make small talk to appear calm and put on a pretence that he was doing fine, and in another Peeta wanted her to explain, about _that _night, about what she had been doing, about her conscience and definitely about her relationship with the enviable Gale Hawthorne.

However, Peeta was petrified of the truth, he knew the harshness of reality and thus had shielded himself from his carnal emotions but he had always been aware of the doubt that flickered in his head to whether or not Katniss was really just a tease. It was a malicious thought, he knew it, but at the stages where he would feel the ignition of the fury at how she had dealt with her departure, there was no reigning Peeta's wild thoughts and the bizarre conclusions that he had come to. Even though, he was aware that his self-invented reasons were a marginal on absurd, to hear confirmation of his fears that Katniss left him because she had tired of his company or that she had really wanted her faithful hunting partner all alone, would absolutely kill him.

"We're not talking, Peeta."

It was a statement, and as he slightly turned his head down to look at the lean, long girl looking up at the stars that littered the sky, he felt the overwhelming pang of love and sorrow sweep over him. He couldn't tell whether her eyes were gleaming from the reflection of the radiant moon, or if it was the tears that he had rarely witnessed all those many months ago. It was a statement, a true statement, yet it was almost prophetic, as he knew that Katniss had realised that the _thing _between them couldn't be fixed instantly if at all.

"I know" He breathed, inhaling a large gulp of air as the words burnt the back of his throat. He still couldn't look at her and instead was forcing himself to focus on the large oak tree that stood judgementally in the corner. There was another long expectant silence where Peeta failed to fill the gaps, of course it frustrated him that he had taken the leap of faith and had failed to deliver. He knew they needed to talk, but he also knew that the only way he would be able to cathartically offload everything to Katniss was to get down to the core of everything, and Peeta definitely wasn't sure if he wanted to encounter something that could potentially break him even more.

He made a slow movement to continue walking, but due to Peeta Mellark being trapped up in his complicated feelings he had failed to recognize Katniss pushing her hair off of her face frantically or chewing her lip persistently, all the unforgotten characteristics that signalled she was about to erupt and lay her cards down on the table. Impulsively, she stopped him, barely brushing the rolled up sleeve of his crisp white shirt, causing gooseflesh and shudders to come over him. Peeta prayed she didn't notice the involuntary tremor that quaked his whole body, but just the mere touch of her soft skin had immediately caused vivid memories of _that _night to resurface, as painful as ever.

"Peeta, this is ridiculous… I mean we're acting like we're…." She said abruptly stopped herself, but Peeta knew what the word was that was about to slip from her fiery mouth, and alike the uncomfortable silence that had pushed Katniss over the edge to bursting out in indignation, her complete disregard for the situation at hand made all self-control evaporate.

"We're what, Katniss?" Peeta spoke quietly, her name slightly burning his throat a little, but for the first time since she had boldly approached him in the graveyard, he looked at her in her eyes. He could feel himself drowning in the grey abyss that always seemed to enchant him and make him lose himself, but this time his anger sufficed as a buoyancy aid, and he continued.

"Like we're strangers?"

He spat the word mockingly as Katniss' silvery eyes widened in shock, it was clear that she had never witnessed this Peeta Mellark before, the angry, volatile Peeta who wasn't under the control of the Capitol, but who's burning ire was taking away the sweet natured, kind hearted Peeta Mellark who she had left. Peeta Mellark was past the point in calculating another response as he could feel the tightly wound ball of every decaying collateral emotion began to slowly unwind into a coherent string.

"Who's to say we're not strangers? We haven't seen each other in eighteen months, we haven't spoken in that time since, so maybe we are foreigners to each other. Because I sure as hell don't think we can speak to each other on a friendly basis, not after everything. So, please excuse me if I'm _trying _to save what's left of my pride and not turning into a pathetic state just because _you_ and _him _have swanned back into the District."

There was a pause, a pause of regret on Peeta's behalf because he had broken, he had crumbled and partially opened Pandora's Box, and he knew that instead of getting through the short walk and being civil despite the pain, they would have to confront it.

* * *

She had done that to him, he wasn't looking at her, and Katniss was glad. The way his blue eyes had bored into her had never made her feel so weak and timid, not when Thresh had threatened her with the possibility of death, or when she had first run out, defenceless and expectant, into the Cornucopia. In that split second, Peeta's sky blue eyes were nearing onto an onyx colour, they were no more expressionless and calculated but wild and demonstrative. Yet it was his voice that had really made Katniss fear for the worst, it was tinged with satire and there was not an inch of hope that could've given her the faith in a friendship with him. She had lost that well and truly, and from the ways his pale white fists were clenched, the skin tight across his knuckles, she could feel herself losing any hope of reconciliation, where he would accept her unworthy and late apologies.

Suddenly, he had turned around again, his towering body facing hers, but his eyes focusing on something in the distance, a tree, a distant streetlight, anything but her face.

"I need to know" His voice was monotonous and quiet, but there was still the same sense of urgency embedded within the words "I need to know why you did what you did, I-I've gone over it a million times in my head, tortured myself with every single fact that happened but why couldn't you have just waited till I had woken up and told me?"

To her obliviousness, a tear had gently rolled down the plain of her cheek, caressing the light freckles that the Capitol's Sun had naturally encouraged. She couldn't take her eyes off of his face, she felt a desperation to let him know everything that had gone on in her mind, but a reluctance to inflict pain on him anymore than she had already done.

"Because… Because Peeta, you would've stopped me, and I would've stayed with you."

Peeta's eyes latched onto hers, and she was sure that she would receive another one of his justified angry bouts of resentment, but they were softer this time, but the agonized glaze was still fixed on them. It had been eighteen months, but Katniss could feel herself just wanting to take him in her arms and softening the downy hair, and kissing his forehead like her Father had done when she had had a tearful outburst as a young girl. But she stopped herself, knowing that she would cross an unknown line, and potentially make things even worse for the both of them.

"And what would've been wrong with that? Why couldn't you have just stayed? We were healing together, and after you had gone… there was no point in any of it anymore."

She quickly wiped the cascading tear that made it's escape down her face, and attempted a sorrowful smile. Katniss had shortly known the feeling of despair and hopelessness after her departure from the District, but she had immersed herself into her work, talking to the survivors of the New Rebellion, talking to old Tributes and young children who were safe and innocent from any Reaping's ever again.

"I wasn't helping you heal Peeta, I… I was the reason you couldn't move away from all of those horrific Capitol memories. That night…" She swallowed, remembering the way his slow kisses had burned her and how his calloused fingers had felt so surprisingly soft against her skin, "That night made me realise Peeta."

He shook his head stubbornly, and held his jaw with his large palm, she knew that Peeta was angry and wanted more clarification, but Katniss was petrified of revealing too much, of laying her heart on the line just for him to go back home to Delly and play the Baker and Wife.

"Why did _you _only get a say in that? How is that fair, Katniss? How can you _try _and justify what you did to me with such a rubbish excuse. I was getting better, I needed time, but most of all I needed… I needed you for _fucks _sake. And you left me, you left me Katniss, you couldn't even honour what we had to tell me face to face, you took the easy way out with a _bloody_ note."

His breathing was wild and his eyes were swimming with emotion, Katniss felt herself flinch at every curse word that erupted from his mouth, every time his palm smacked the back of his hand in a passionate rage. It was everything that she had feared he would say, and everything that she deserved. He was right, of course, but then again when had Peeta never not been right? He wasn't ignorant, or too timid to point out when things just weren't right, he was a fighter and the real rebel and hero of Panem.

Katniss was suddenly aware that he had taken a step forward towards her, instinctively she took one back, like a frightened animal backing away from the hunters bow. At her movement, his whole face was once again etched with the deep scars of sadness, she could see the regret tinging his dark blue irises, that his cathartic outburst had scared her and made her fear him. To prove that it wasn't _Peeta _who Katniss was intimidated by, but his words, Katniss took a step forward also, attempting to meet him half way.

"It took me a whole year to stop torturing myself with why things happened the way it did, what your motives were, how you never could have really have had any… _sentiment_ for me. And then I became numb to it, the anger and ache was so regular Katniss that I had become numb to it. But I know why now, it's ironic that to figure out why you did what you did, you had to be standing right in front of me. Something, that I had convinced myself many moons ago, would never happen."

He was looking past her now, straight through her as if he was talking to a reflection of himself, giving himself the answers to set himself free. Katniss could feel herself suffocating in the expectancy of what he was going to say. His voice was low and business like, it was completely opposite from his passionate soliloquy earlier, and somehow it scared Katniss even more.

"It was just another game, wasn't it Katniss? You wanted to _save _me, like the stupid _game _that we had all through the Games and the Quarter Quell. This _stupid, idiotic_ volley of yours of who could get the most control, but you must know, you must know, that I was never playing a game. That me trying to save you from the Capitol wasn't down to power, or image, it was down to love. And I think that's what hurts most, the three words that I had said to you _that _night before you left. Because it had gotten real, and wasn't some pretentious game to amuse yourself and others. That's why you left, because you realised."

His breathing was shallow from the flood of angry, passionate words surging out of his mouth, and Katniss could see it, more raw than ever, the pain in his eyes, the anguish and scars that rested in his body language and the way he couldn't seem to look at her when pouring out his heart. The idea that she was still hurting him made her feel terrible, she regretted so much. Her inner despair and guilt wasn't being put coherently into words, and so her mouth was slightly open, just taking him in until she found the words.

"Peeta" Katniss whispered, reaching out her arm slightly to comfort the broken baker, he recoiled from her touch and dejectedly she attempted to continue.

"I can see how you might see it like that, but you have to believe me, I _need _you to believe me that those three words that you said didn't make me want to run, it made me want to stay even more and figure out what _we _were and what _we _could be."

Her eyes were shining with moisture as her brain replayed the fantasy that had replayed over and over again in her mind over the last eighteen months, of her in Peeta's arms, holding his calloused hand. It was the impossible now, and to look at him now, knowing what she had well and truly lost was devastating.

"It wasn't a game to me Peeta, please, please, don't think that. You have to understand, that when I saw the way the Capitol could ruin and taint what we were… doing beforehand, I panicked. Like in the Games, I wanted to see you all the time and… spend time with you so badly but I couldn't risk the idea of my existence hurting you or inflicting any kind of pain onto you. And so _yes_ I took the coward's way out, but there wasn't a day where I didn't want to come back to you and where I didn't regret the action of me leaving you, and the way I did it."

Katniss pushed the hair away off from her face, her fervent gestures had obviously been a bit too rigorous. She had expected to feel different, like a weight had lifted from her shoulders but Katniss knew that she was just scraping the surface of what happened, and why it happened and knew that she wasn't going to be able to evade the true consequences of her choice.

* * *

Everything she had said, every syllable that had escaped her lips hadn't lessened the severity of what happened, or offered a plausible justification. Peeta was still hurting, and the remorse that was so evidently in her voice had just made the pain so much worse, to think about how things could've been different if the Capitol's influence hadn't _controlled_ that night, and what would have happened if instead of finding _that _note on the pillow, he had found Katniss, safe and sound.

Peeta didn't know where to go from here, his purging of emotions had taken everything out of him and he felt physically weakened by the strain of it all. He knew she wasn't lying, but he also knew Katniss and knew when there was so much more to be said. And there was definitely things that she was still bottling up. Peeta's brain was telling him to stop pushing for the answers, for the whole truth, for her motives and _why _she hadn't returned sooner. But his heart, Peeta's fickle heart was wanting it all there on the table so he could gauge what to do next.

Peeta chose neither his head nor his heart, and instead welcomed the silence which once again engulfed Panem's "Golden Couple." He was rocking back on to the balls of his feet, his hands deeper in his pockets and his eyes not knowing where to look; on Katniss' tears that were silently freefalling from her silver eyes, on the moon, or at his slightly dusty shoes.

"Can I ask, have you had any more…. Episodes, since I left?"

Her curiosity had cut the tension, but instead of quelling the emotions that were still simmering inside of Peeta, they brought up his exasperation and his hesitation to tell her the truth. If he confessed to the only time that he had a Capitol induced "episode" was when he had seen a picture of the Girl on Fire in the local District newspaper, he knew that she would've been able to rationalize her actions by being right about her being the catalyst. So, instead he stubbornly allowed the silence to answer her question.

"That's something… and I suppose, congratulations are in order for yourself and Delly Cartwright." There was a tremor in her voice, and immediately Peeta found himself watching the Girl from the Seam fiddle with the ends of her hair and attempt a poor excuse at a smile. Instead of graciously thanking her like Peeta had done for the majority of that evening at the party, he found himself staring intently at her.

"You let them win, Katniss. They did _that _to _me_ for a reason, and you fulfilled Snow's wishes, you gave up on us. So yes, that is something."

Peeta found his legs striding out infront of him, he needed to get away from it all, from her face, and her responses and the way she could draw him back right in by just her mere presence. He was walking briskly, the wind biting his face and ebbing away all of the complexities of his emotions and thoughts.

"Peeta!"

He knew it was her, and he could tell that she was just going to match his pace until the determined girl got off what was on her chest. He stopped, and she was suddenly in front of him, breathless, her cheeks flushed from the icy breeze.

"Where does this leave us?"

She looked so destitute and lost, and in another world Peeta would've instantly have brought her into his arms, but that was another world, and this world was more poisoned.

"Us?" He echoed, questioningly "Eighteen months ago, hearing you say that we were an "us" would've given me… hope. But now, I don't think there's any hope for us."

This revelation shocked Peeta even though it had come from his own mouth, more tears were running down her cheeks, and Peeta couldn't handle it anymore; her tears, the pain in his chest, or the irritating voice in his head which was begging him to forgive her. He started to walk again, this time walking faster in hope that she would realise that he needed his own space. However, instead of her chasing him, her voice shouted clear and loud in the summer night.

"I'm not going to leave Peeta, not until this is fixed. I'm not giving up."

He had to bite the inside of his mouth to stop himself from calling back at her, or from the tears to escape from his eyes. Peeta Mellark knew that this wasn't the end, and that Katniss Everdeen was determined to change his perception of her. And there was no trifling with the Girl on Fire.

* * *

_Thank you so much for reading, and I'd love to hear your feedback!  
I've got a lot more planned for this story, and don't worry for you smut-lovers, there will be more in upcoming chapters :) _


End file.
